Passover by the Numbers

I'm writing this post because, in the last few weeks, I've been invigorated and moved by my friends interest in my religion. Also, because the word "Jew" is in my blog title, and the words "Non-stop Film Analysis" are not. Let me know how you like it...maybe I'll do more! Also, expect another post tomorrow....sorry to bother you so much this week, reader, but there are two big events in my life within the next few days. The first one, of course, is PASSOVER....

5 Mucho Importanto Facts el Passover (Viva la Taquito ay ay ay)

1. Passover (Pesach in Hebrew), lasts a week, from sunset on the first day to sunset on the last.

2. The holiday's purpose is to celebrate the Jews' victories over our oppressors, in Ancient Egypt and around the world, to mourn the lives lost in our struggle for freedom, and to pray for those among us who remain enslaved, spiritually or physically.

3. In keeping with the liberation motif, adults are encouraged to study the story of Moses and the Exodus in its Biblical form; younger children often read Haggadahs, simplified, illustrated adaptations of the same story. Like all children's books, they tend to play loose with history. Case in point-our family Haggadah features a picture of Moses walking his dog, something I'm pretty sure got the shaft in the original Old Testament. Believe it or not, the making of these things is a full-blown business; even non-literary companies like Maxwell House put them out.

4. Jews spend at least one of the seven nights at a seder. Seders consist of short, self-led prayer services, as well as the consumption of foods unique to the Passover season. These include karpas (a leafy vegetable dipped in salt, to mimic the tears of the enslaved), maror sandwiches (a combination of horseradish and blended apple-cinnamon, meant to convey the bittersweet nature of the human experience), and four sips of kosher wine, which some of the older members of our seder tend to misread as "four cups", with interesting results.

5. And of course, the one universally known Passover fact: We Don't Eat Bread, which sounds easy enough, but:

10 Things That Have Some Sort of Bread In, Around, On, Beneath, or Inside Them/Are Just Plain Bread:

1. Sandwiches of all kinds.

2. Cookies.

3. Doughnuts.

4. Cake. The dessert, not the modestly successful, critically renowned indie band of some note.

5. Toast.

6. Pancakes. This one hurts.

7. Pretzels.

8. Burgers, although whether the Big Mac bun is made of actual dough or just body parts is up for debate.

9. Brownie$$$$$$

10. Bread.

3 Reasons Why, To Me At Least, The Whole Bread Thing Makes Sense:

1. When Moses and co were on the lam from Pharaoh and friends, they didn't have time to bake anything, and simply ate matzot, flat pieces of unrisen bread that taste like salted air. After eating these for a week, you begin to appreciate how much time and effort is lavished on every piece of food you put in and around your mouth. The creation of good cuisine is some kind of small miracle.

2. It creates a strange but palpable sort of fellowship between Jews from all walks of life. For one week, we are all faced with a series of common problems; how to explain to our co-worker why we can't accept that freshly baked pie; how to ignore the latest Quizno's creation beckoning us from a far-off billboard; how to politely decline every piece of birthday cake that comes our way for seven days, while wanting it all the same. Through these rituals, we achieve religious unity in an era where belief is too often a business, or, more accurately, a thousand different businesses jockeying for the same clients.

3. Here's where our culture and that of Christianity dovetail; we've got Pesach and Lent going on all at once. Both holidays commemorate a Biblical event, and both stress self-sacrifice in order to truly understand what's essential in this world and what isn't. To realize that we can in fact live without what is considered the most basic of food groups shifts our perspective considerably. We can refuse bread and do just fine...couldn't we refuse that $3000 Gucci purse? That art-deco furniture that costs more than your average duplex? Those rims for our low riders (guilty there.) I think these small sacrifices are something everyone should attempt sometime, religious or not, because during this time of self-discipline and reflection, all the luxuries masquerading as necessities are unmasked; that's the point. Unless you choose...

The 1 Wrong Way to Go About the Whole Bread Thing:

1. "I ate a Pop Tart (TM)*. That's not TECHNICALLY bread, so I'm good! Tee-hee." The point is not to set some impossible goal (NOTHING WITH FLOUR IN IT, AT ALL! THAT COUNTS AS BREAD!) and then try to get around it. The point is to make some reasonable concessions, and see where they lead you mentally, spiritually, yada yada. Cutting out sandwiches and cookies and pancakes, pretty much my lifeblood, is enough to get me thinking; I tend to let breaded products (chicken fingers, cheesecake) slide. As Fleetwood Mac said, you can go your own way...as long as it ain't the easy way out.

*The Pop Tart corporation paid $100000 for the above product placement; I will be using that money to buy Adele.*

*By Adele, I mean the actual singer, not her new album.

In conclusion, the Jewish Film Nerd looked at Passover and found it good. I'm picky about my Jewish holidays-if I don't like them, I don't even try to get into the spirit (a day celebrating trees and botany? I took a 1st grade field trip to the Arboretum, mmkay?). I always attempt to treat Passover somewhat reverently, and it is in my opinion one of the more meaningful Jewish holidays. Also, fun fact; statistics show that more and more Christians are holding seders of their own, in an attempt to experience our culture. Now you know how we feel at your Christmas parties, guys.

Chag Sameach! (A joyous festival to all!)